Pictures from beach day 1

Beach bums

I am spending the rest of this week with my sister, brother in law, and two nephews in Amelia Islands. So far ou first day was a big success. After getting in late last night we woke up and went to breakfast. After yummy pancakes and biscuits we returned to the beach home, as Jack calls it, and prepared for a walk to the beach. The boys played in the water, built sand castles, and hunted for favorite sea shells. After a nice long afternoon at the beach we came in for lunch. After lunch showers were had. We then made the drive to downtown where we drove around for a bit before heading to our dinner destination. After dinner came some walking around downtown followed by a horse carriage ride through downtown. To end the day ice cream and other treats were had. Very fun and relaxing day. I will try to come back and add pictures later since I am currently on my phone. Hope everyone else had a nice day as well.

Fear

I think fear has been my biggest struggle as of late. I know that God has a plan in the mess that is my life right now. I have faith that He will see me through this and I will be able to praise Him through it all. What I battle with daily is the fear.

I am afraid of never experiencing true love again. I thought I had it. I thought I had my true love and now I don't. All of this took me by complete surprise. I don't want to go into too much detail but I didn't think that I would ever have to worry about my husband walking away from me.

I am afraid of motherhood without a father. My family is amazing and I have no doubts that they will all be there to do and be whatever they can for my sweet boy but it isn't the same. I see couples with their children and sometimes it is everything I can do to hold back the tears. I always imagined this as such an exciting time and experiencing everything for the first time with the person I love. It is scary to think about going about it without him.

I am afraid of so many things that it is overwhelming at times. Most of the time I am able to keep my mind on positive things but there are other times when it is all overwhelming and I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control. Please pray that God controls my fears by taking them. I just need to continue to give my fears over to Him.

Moving On

Well it appears that God has called me to move on. I have prayed and done everything I think the Lord has asked of me in this situation. My husband and I have been separated for a couple months now. This is not something I wanted nor asked for. I have prayed for him each day and done my best to continue to show him love but clearly that is not going to change things. I know and fully believe in the power of prayer. I also know God gives us a choice of whether or not we follow His will and desire for our life. I cannot control what he decides to do.

There were brief moments when I thought that maybe healing would come of this messy situation I was placed in but I have been assured over the last few weeks that will not happen. I continued to pray and do what I thought was the right thing to do. I know that in the end of this mess God will be glorified because I have done my best to handle everything the way He would want me to handle it. That does not mean I have been ok. I have had fits of tears and anger. I am still confused as to why but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that God has a plan even when it does not seem like it. My family and true friends have been amazing. God has been faithful to give me the right message at the right time and when I was ready to hear it.

Nothing about this situation has been easy and it has tried my patience over and over again. It has pushed me to limits I never thought I could go. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers as you have been with me on this journey. Please continue to pray for me over the next few months as you feel led. Nothing will be finalized until after the baby is born for insurance purposes. So in addition to already off kilter emotions, it will be rough. Please just pray that God gives me the strength I need and that I continue to turn to him because He is the only one who will always love me no matter what!