It's Like a Death

At the beginning, it is hard. Life changes in an instant and you know it will never be the same. The tears come freely and frequently. You are in mourning. There are uncertainties, fears, and doubts. Something that once was is no longer. There are people who attempt to comfort but words only go so far when they are no suffering the same loss as you. There are a lot of lonely moments in rooms filled with people. Even people who know and love you dearly can only do so much.

It is out of your hands and beyond your control. You come to a point where your only choice is to surrender it all to God. You give it all to Him and ask Him to take care of what is left of your heart that weeps. He tenderly tells you that He has had it all along but that He needs to let go and let Him take on the full weight. You don't know what the future holds. You only know there is a piece of you missing and you long to feel whole again.

The sun rises and sets over and over again. Some days are a blur. Some days you walk around in a haze. Some days the sadness consumes you and it is all you can do to put one foot in front of the other. Then one day the sun rises and it shines a little brighter than the day before. The clouds part and you can feel the warmth of the sun for the first time in what seems like months. It seeps into every part of you and fills you with hope and strength. It is God breathing strength and life into the areas that you need it the most.

Still, days come when the clouds move in unexpectedly and rain down. You get wet for a while but you are able to survive the rainfall- all the while knowing the sun will come back and dry you off. But for a moment you get lost in the memories, the pain, and the hurt that you endured and it is like reliving the death all over again.

God is faithful, the sun comes out. You smile more. You are far stronger than you were when you first lost that piece of you. You don't look back in longing for the life you once knew before that death. You cherish the laughs and smile that life brought and thank the Lord for the good times. You begin to see the beauty that came from the ashes.

Then, one day, a friend calls and tell you there has been a death in their life. Your heart hurts for them. The clouds return and you remember the pain more clearly than ever. You comfort your friend as best you can because you know what it is like. You know those clouds well. You tell your friend that there will be sunshine again. You remember that strength you have gained and you lend a little to them. You give a shoulder, a kind word, a funny little joke to get a smile, and an umbrella for them to hold. It makes you the tiniest bit thankful for the death you experienced so that you could be an understanding ear in their time of loss.

Death is not easy, but this type of death can sometimes be harder. It is easier to console yourself when the person you love doesn't have a choice on their departure. It is much harder when they choose to leave your life. It is much harder when they leave for what you can only think of as something they value more. It is a death but not a traditional one. It is not a club I longed to be a member of, I don't imagine anyone really does. Divorce is like a death, the death of a marriage. A bond has died. A tie has been severed. With a few signatures and a check, what was meant to be unbreakable is broken. It requires not just strength but forgiveness as well. A part of you is forever gone and your life is forever changed.

I pray you never experience this kind of death in your life, particularly at the hands of adultery. Pray strength and love over the people in your life that still under the early clouds of this kind of death. It takes a while to feel the warmth of the sun.