Father's Day

Well I realized I haven't posted how our family celebrated Father's Day! Ours was more of a Father's Weekend celebration! Friday afternoon my sister and two nephews came down and we went swimming. This was only the second time that Ian had gotten in the pool but he did great! As I mentioned in a previous post my sister brought an old baby float of theirs, so he lounged around while floating with mommy! My mom got a picture on her phone so I will maybe post that later but I do not have it right now. :( Anyhow, after almost an hour, Ian was ready to get out and take a snooze. So he snoozed away in his little seat while we swam for a little while longer!

After swimming for a little while longer, it was time to get out, dry off, and head to church for the final night of VBS! We had a worship time where we sang all our favorite songs from the week before heading down to the gym for hotdogs, giant inflatables, balloon animals, popcorn, and other fun games! After a little while I went and got Ian out of the nursery and pushed him around in the stroller. He was so chill the whole time. I am seriously so lucky!

Saturday my brother and sister-in-law made the trip down to join in on the fun. There was more early afternoon swimming, lunch at one of our favorite local places followed by yummy dessert! It was shaping up to be a great summer day!

After lunch we did some more swimming. Well, most everyone did. I opted out of getting Ian back out there. We relaxed in the shade and watched. Ian was just as content to do that, as was I! 

It was the perfect afternoon of celebrating our sweet daddy, known as Pop around our place. We tease my dad since him and mom have moved to this new house that the extra detached garage is his place since he parks his truck there and has a lot of his things out there. My brother and sister-in-law got him a sign so that everyone will know whose place it is!

He also got a new towel, along with mema!

I am so absolutely blessed to have these two in my life and glad we took time to celebrate my daddy and how awesome he is! I love you daddy and Ian loves his Pop!

Giveaway!

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3...seriously!

Ok, so this morning was a little too hectic to do his white onesie and sticker shot but here is one I took this morning anyway. My baby is 3 months old today!! FYI- The onesie and sticker shot will be taken later!

As you can tell from him being shirtless, it was just one of those mornings! haha! I can't believe he is 3 months old! It seems like just a couple weeks ago I was amazed that he was 3 WEEKS old!! This little guy is a trooper for sure! He is a great little guy- no doubt! 

He is sleeping through the night. He is still not a fan of the crib but he has a little hammock sling that he sleeps in safely at night all swaddled up. He always makes me giggle in the mornings when I change his diaper. As soon as I undo the velcro on his swaddle he throws his arms up in the air as if to say, "I am free!!" 

He still scratches his face a lot despite the fact that I try my best to keep his nails cut and filed! It is going to make his 3 month old pictures in a few days interesting if he doesn't leave his face alone!!

He loves to "talk" to anyone who will listen and even more when you talk back. I love driving down the road and turning off the radio and listening to him "talk." 

I have gotten a few laughs out of him but for the most part he just smiles real big at you. His eyes just light up when he smiles and it is something I will forever cherish. I love picking him up in the afternoon and seeing him smile when he sees me, melts my heart! 

He is an eating champion...as you can tell! He is putting down 5 ounces most times and at night in the morning he puts away 6 ounces. He is still in the correct size clothing so not too pudgy...just the right amount! We haven't broken into the 3-6 month clothes yet. We are still in 3 months for the most part. Still wearing a few 0-3 months outfits. 

He loves to face outwards so he can see what is going on.

He likes to swing, most days! If he is not too tired. This morning he was a little too tired but because mommy needed to shower, he ended up crying himself to sleep in the swing by the time mommy got out of the shower. :)

He still likes playing on his play mat and is gradually becoming acquainted with the fact that mommy is going to put him on his tummy for at least a little while each day. He doesn't hate it so much but he does "talk" pretty much the whole time and it does make me wonder what he is saying!

He is getting so used to baths and not crying anymore that we have ventured into the pool a few times. Twice this past weekend with his cousins and aunt. His sweet aunt brought the old baby float his cousins used when they were young. He lounged around and floated with mommy for quite a while before finally succumbing and taking a nap while the rest of us kept swimming.

He still doesn't keep much on his feet these days but he does have some super cute shoes I have been able to keep on him for short periods of time. It is the small victories that you must celebrate the most, right? You would celebrate too if you got to see these cute little shoes!

He still tolerates me dressing him up on Sundays and taking a picture, he doesn't always smile for me. I couldn't get a smile out of him this past week because he was too busy wondering when I was going to give him his bottle!

He is still very much the light of his mommy's life and I am loving every minute of this sweet little guy's life and doing my best to cherish every moment because I know I will look back and say three years old...he is supposed to still be 3 months!

Ok...craziness

Ok, so after the somber update...time to get back to normal posts! I saw this little picture on pinterest and thought that describes me pretty well right now!

Well, I promised an update on why my week was a little hectic last week, not that this week has really calmed down any. Anyhow, on my way to take my little one to his sitter for the day I got a flat tire. I know what you are thinking, not that big of a deal. Well- it is when you don't have a spare! :( The last time my car got a flat my spare was destroyed in the process. While I had been in the process of acquiring a spare, granted not with grand fervor, I had yet to acquire one. So, luckily I was able to pull over onto some property owned by some people we knew. I called my mom to come pick me and little one up. We took Ian to the sitter then proceeded to mom's office where I was supposed to be going anyhow, to get a cavity filled. YAY! : / So, after that I drove mom's car to work and proceeded trying to locate somewhere that had a spare tire I could purchase. I really wanted to avoid getting the car towed, buying a new tire, AND still buying a spare tire. I was utterly delighted when I found a salvage yard that said they could have one for me the next day. We called the people who own the property where my car was and let them know, and they were great about it! Unfortunately, the person I talked to on the phone on Tuesday at the salvage yard was not the person I talked to Wednesday when I called to check. That second guy was particularly rude and muttered many empty promises of calling me back when he found out. When Thursday morning rolled around and the spare tire, "had somehow not made it on the truck to be delivered." I gave up on his empty promises and had it towed. I needed my car back! So while the guys at Tires Plus were awesome, I meant to tell them never to recommend anyone to that salvage yard! He told me last Wednesday morning he would call me when it got there, a week later- do you think he has called me? NOPE! I hate that I still need a spare tire and honestly hope that I can find one elsewhere so I do not have to give them my business out of necessity. Oh the dilemma of pride over necessity! :)

So anyhow, that made last week a little crazy. I do not have a whole lot of pictures to update because of the craziness and this week has been no different due to Vacation Bible School. I basically am leaving from work (at the church), pick up Ian, and go back to the church for VBS until almost 9:30 every night this week. My sweet boy is used to being either asleep in bed or almost there by that time so I think it has been a little taxing on him! This morning I was able to let him sleep a little longer and he did. Poor thing. But anyhow, here are a few updated pictures to get you through!

Mesmerized again by the phone!

My first polo outfit!

Warming up after a bath!

My other polo shirt, before church!

Pop provides a nice resting place!

At the doctor making sure my cough was nothing to cause concern!

In my cute pajamas!

I know, side ways- but it is totally worth the head tilt to look at...he is so cute!

Just like so...

Well, I have put off this post long enough I suppose. I have put it off because I don't really have the words but I know there are people who care and who should know. My divorce is back on and will be finalized probably before the end of the summer. I have had people ask about how I am doing. Honestly, the best thing I know to say is that God has given me a peace and a strength that even I do not understand. It doesn't take away the hurt and pain I feel sometimes but I am ok.

There are things I still don't understand and times where I am still baffled by the past year. I am coming up on a year since my husband of three years told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and as much as I tried to hang on for the both of us, it was too hard when I was being ignored. So, I made the hard decision to come home. I made this decision mainly because of the little life I discovered around the same time that was growing inside of me. I have mentioned briefly before that I suffered a miscarriage in May of last year. I was terrified that this little life would not handle the added stress on my body well at all if I were to stay across the ocean from the people I needed the most at that moment. I was having a great deal of difficulty finding just the strength to eat and I was terrified I might lose this new little life as well, so I came home.

I prayed as hard as I have ever prayed for anything. Things just kept getting messier and messier, which is not much of a surprise considering we were an ocean apart and factors there that I had no control over. I continued to do everything I could to trust God and let Him guide me through every twist and turn- and there were a lot of those! I thought God had finally reached a distant heart when he came to me with a humble and repentant heart. I don't doubt that God touched his heart but unfortunately it still did not mean the results I thought it would. It was clear that I was going to be the one putting in the most work, which may not have been so bad if I hadn't been through everything I have been through in the past year. I have been hurt time and time again by the person in my life I thought would always protect and stand up for me. That part still hurts. It still hurts to know I wasn't worth fighting for in his eyes. It is something I struggle with daily. I wake up and remind myself there is one person who knows I am worth fighting for and fights for me everyday, Christ. If there is one thing I have learned it is that the faithfulness and love of Christ is far greater than any I will ever experience otherwise.

In the end, the past year has been nothing but a tangled and emotional mess. Someone asked me the other day how I could describe what my life was like before Ian came along. Considering how much Ian has changed my life already and how many things are so different from how they were before he came along, I told them it was like a different life. I think back and it is hard to remember now after everything. My heart hurts because someone who once thought I was very valuable doesn't anymore. Someone who once made me feel like the most special thing makes me feel taken for granted. I still cringe when I think about some of the things that happened this past year and how my heart was dragged through the mud. I am not angry but there are things I still don't understand and I may never understand them. There are still questions that I do not have the answers to and I may never have those answers. I am working on being okay with those things but I know it will take time. For the time being, I am working on accepting my new place and trying to be grateful for the lessons the last year has taught me.

I hope to one day find love again, but I know if I do- it will be a long road and it will be with someone who actively proves that he loves Christ more than he loves me. I hope to find someone who will be a good father figure in Ian's life since his dad will more than likely be in the army and rarely close by. I hope to find someone who will challenge me in my walk with God and look to Him during the rough times and know that no matter what happens, that with God's strength, we will find a way to get through it. But if God never gives me that person, I will be okay.

Sorry for the bombardment but, like I said, I have been meaning to write an update on the situation for a while but didn't know if I could find the words. I still don't know if I have found the sufficient words to express the emotion in my heart but I guess it will suffice for now. Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

More to Come

A glimpse into why it has been a crazy week...

CrAzY

This week has been a little hectic thus far, I promise to update soon!