Ten Fingers, Ten Toes

Well I promised to update soon about the baby boy. The 20-week ultrasound confirmed it is definitely a boy. This is a picture I snapped the morning I officially hit 20 weeks. It is so hard to believe that I am half way there. I feel like I have doubled in size since this picture, however I know that is not true. Haha. I will reach 22 weeks this coming Friday. I get to take the ever so coveted glucose drink test on my next doctor's visit. Yay! I got the drink that apparently taste like flat sprite. Haha, oh goodie! I have been feeling my sweet little boy fluttering around for a couple weeks now and it is amazes me each time. I am so thankful for the reminder of this precious life growing inside me.

Here is my sweet boy's profile at his 20 week ultrasound. He was very active during his ultrasound. I got to hear his heart beat again and even got to capture it on video, so I could send it to his dad. It also was a great thing for me because now I can listen to my sweet boy's heart beat whenever I want now. The tech checked everything and said everything looked great. He has ten fingers and ten toes, his heart looks great, his brain looked great, and his spine too. He got the hiccups during the ultrasound. I couldn't feel these but you could see his stomach jumping up and down and she said he had the hiccups. We have also decided on a name for our sweet little bundle: Ian Matthew. Everyday things get more and more real and it makes me so excited to meet my sweet boy!!

Beach Trip Wrap Up...finally :)

Well I never did finish posting pictures from the beach trip. Things have been a little crazy since then. I have been staying busy between subbing and other things. So here are a few more pictures from that trip.

One of the things sweet Sam suggested was a boat ride. So Thursday morning we headed towards downtown and my brother-in-law had arranged for us to go on a hour long boat ride. It was fun and we got to catch a glimpse of the wild horses off of Cumberland Island.

After a boat ride and lunch, we headed back to the condo where the girls partook in massages. This was my first ever professional massage and it was absolutely amazing! I did not want to move after she finished. I found myself wishing I could just lay on that bed for the rest of the day. Anyhow, after massages we got showered and headed downtown to try out a fairly new local place that came with a playground for the wild ones. It was perfect for the four little ones we had in tow, when you included my sister's friend's family. After dinner it was a short walk to the fudge and ice cream shop where the wild ones got superman ice cream...dyed vanilla ice cream. As you can see, Sam wasted no time in digging in! They had it all over their face!

Friday, the guys went golfing while us girls attempted to play at the beach. Unfortunately high winds coming in from Sandy made playing in the sand impossible and the waves much too wild for the comfort of mommies and an aunt of four little ones 6 and under. So we headed to the indoor pool of the fitness facility and the kids had fun swimming there instead. Later that night costumes were put on by all kiddos and we headed to the shops to trick or treat. While it was somewhat disappointing the kids had fun and we decided to treat them to a dinner with a playground again at a different restaurant.


The next day was all about the dawgs and how they lead us to victory over those ugly ole gators! Sunday we headed home and recovered from the trip. I will do my best to update soon about the baby and the latest doctor appointment. I would still appreciate your prayers. Things have been somewhat changing lately and still am looking for guidance and a miracle from God.

Pictures from beach day 1

Beach bums

I am spending the rest of this week with my sister, brother in law, and two nephews in Amelia Islands. So far ou first day was a big success. After getting in late last night we woke up and went to breakfast. After yummy pancakes and biscuits we returned to the beach home, as Jack calls it, and prepared for a walk to the beach. The boys played in the water, built sand castles, and hunted for favorite sea shells. After a nice long afternoon at the beach we came in for lunch. After lunch showers were had. We then made the drive to downtown where we drove around for a bit before heading to our dinner destination. After dinner came some walking around downtown followed by a horse carriage ride through downtown. To end the day ice cream and other treats were had. Very fun and relaxing day. I will try to come back and add pictures later since I am currently on my phone. Hope everyone else had a nice day as well.

Fear

I think fear has been my biggest struggle as of late. I know that God has a plan in the mess that is my life right now. I have faith that He will see me through this and I will be able to praise Him through it all. What I battle with daily is the fear.

I am afraid of never experiencing true love again. I thought I had it. I thought I had my true love and now I don't. All of this took me by complete surprise. I don't want to go into too much detail but I didn't think that I would ever have to worry about my husband walking away from me.

I am afraid of motherhood without a father. My family is amazing and I have no doubts that they will all be there to do and be whatever they can for my sweet boy but it isn't the same. I see couples with their children and sometimes it is everything I can do to hold back the tears. I always imagined this as such an exciting time and experiencing everything for the first time with the person I love. It is scary to think about going about it without him.

I am afraid of so many things that it is overwhelming at times. Most of the time I am able to keep my mind on positive things but there are other times when it is all overwhelming and I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control. Please pray that God controls my fears by taking them. I just need to continue to give my fears over to Him.

Moving On

Well it appears that God has called me to move on. I have prayed and done everything I think the Lord has asked of me in this situation. My husband and I have been separated for a couple months now. This is not something I wanted nor asked for. I have prayed for him each day and done my best to continue to show him love but clearly that is not going to change things. I know and fully believe in the power of prayer. I also know God gives us a choice of whether or not we follow His will and desire for our life. I cannot control what he decides to do.

There were brief moments when I thought that maybe healing would come of this messy situation I was placed in but I have been assured over the last few weeks that will not happen. I continued to pray and do what I thought was the right thing to do. I know that in the end of this mess God will be glorified because I have done my best to handle everything the way He would want me to handle it. That does not mean I have been ok. I have had fits of tears and anger. I am still confused as to why but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that God has a plan even when it does not seem like it. My family and true friends have been amazing. God has been faithful to give me the right message at the right time and when I was ready to hear it.

Nothing about this situation has been easy and it has tried my patience over and over again. It has pushed me to limits I never thought I could go. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers as you have been with me on this journey. Please continue to pray for me over the next few months as you feel led. Nothing will be finalized until after the baby is born for insurance purposes. So in addition to already off kilter emotions, it will be rough. Please just pray that God gives me the strength I need and that I continue to turn to him because He is the only one who will always love me no matter what!

Finding Joy

At most of you know by now the last few weeks have been nothing but hard for me. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and figure out what God wants from me. I have been blessed the past few weeks with an amazing Sunday School class that has delivered so much comfort each week. God knows exactly what I need to hear each week and it is such a huge blessing. There are things in my life that I cannot control. The circumstances I find myself in are out of my control. I have never been good with situations that are out of my control. Trying to take control is an ongoing battle with God and I and maybe that is why God chose to put me through this battle to remind me yet again that He wants me to give Him control because he ultimately knows best.

Things have just been all over the place and I find it hard to express myself through words which is why I have left this blog neglected. I have learned in the last few days that I can't just bottle up things. I have to let some of it out every now and then. So here I am back at it again hoping to sort through some of the feelings and emotions. My journey is about finding joy in the Lord because life has proven that people are the wrong thing to look to.

God has given me so much to be thankful for. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with a sweet little boy. I am beyond excited about being a mommy and continue to pray everyday that the Lord will continue to allow this sweet boy to grow healthy and I can't wait to meet him in late March. For the first time in my life I am excited about getting "fat." Haha.

I am still not sure what this sweet little boy's life is going to be like when he arrives but I pray about it every day. I pray that the Lord will give me the guidance to have the right attitude in all the things I am going through. Even if I have no control over what is going on, I have control over how I respond to it. So, I pray that the Lord continues to remind me that I can choose how to respond to daily challenges and gives me the strength to make the right choice. I know that the Lord will get me through this, in what way I do not know yet but I have faith that I will be able to praise Him in the end.

Until then, I will try to get better at blogging at least about how my sweet boy is doing. I go back to the doctor in another couple of weeks. I got to see my sweet angel a couple weeks ago and hear his sweet heart beat. The nurse said everything looks great and she was able to get a pretty good shot of his "boyhood." Here are the pictures I got to take home of my sweet little one.