My Cup Runneth Over

As cheesy as it sounds, when I think about putting into words how I feel about my baby boy, I think of the movie "Hope Floats" when this sweet line is said, "my cup runneth over." There is so much love in my heart for this little bundle that I feel like I can't contain it all. The moment they lifted him onto my chest I was crying tears of joy because I knew I had never felt a love like this before. He was a little bitty thing at 6lbs 14 oz. I remember thinking, "How can I protect this little bitty boy from all the hurts of this world." Of course, I already know I can't do that. There are things I will never be able to save him from or protect him from. There are so many people in his life that love him and will no doubt make up for what he lacks elsewhere but it still hurts that I can't give him the world and everything he deserves. The thought of motherhood delights me and scares me all at the same time. Mainly, the thought of being a single mom scares me. My parents are amazing and I know they, as well as the rest of the family, will be there for me every step of the way. It doesn't change the fact that I wish I could give him the family I always imagined having. Then, there are moments that I look at his face and I know that no one will ever give him the amount of love I will give him.

This little boy has captured his mommy's heart and soul. He is quite the little thief. He has stolen my heart, as well as my sleep. :) He is already very spoiled. He does not like to be put down for much. Sometimes, he will sleep in his swing and be content. Sometimes after a riding in the car somewhere I can let him sleep in his car seat for a while after getting home. But at night, sleeping on his own seems to be a foreign idea. Now, do not get me wrong mommy loves cuddling with her baby boy but mommy also knows I eventually need him to sleep on his own and the crib seems to signal an alarm in this little one's head to scream as loud as he can until mommy gives in and gets him out. Not looking forward to the many screams it will take to break him down. So hard on mommy.

I am trying the Baby Wise method, which means I am doing my best to keep little man on a schedule for feedings. He has done pretty well. I still, for the most part, have to wake him up to feed during the day and at night. He has done really well with sticking to a schedule. There have only been a couple times thus far where I have had to feed him earlier than I planned. So all in all, he is being a great sport. He is still so little and even his newborn clothing is still loose on his little body. His little belly is starting to pudge out just a little bit, but I still can't get over how something so little can hold so much of my heart.

I am fighting off a nasty cold right now and so far feel like I am loosing. It is quite annoying because I really do not want to get my little one sick. I have been breast feeding and I love spending that time with my little man but lately it has been making me nervous that I can't kick this cold and keeping him so close to me. I know that even when I am sick, the breast milk is best for him. I just want to love on him all the time it is getting to me that I can't do that. I love him so much already and I pray the Lord makes me into exactly the mother that my little man needs. Please be praying that I feel better soon.