Half a Year

Half a year...6 months...26 weeks...184 days...that is how long I have been on this journey of motherhood. It is true what they say, you can never imagine what it will be like. You can never imagine how even though you have lived all these years...it is hard to remember life before you. Then again, it becomes harder to remember things in general! ;) I never could have imagined how overwhelming it was to hold you for the first time.

I never could have anticipated the feeling of terror and panic when I couldn't get you to quit crying for the first time. The utter feeling of helplessness as I was well aware that I am in charge of this little being and you were letting me know I was clearly not doing something right. I never could have anticipated the elated joy that would come when I learned what each little cry means and how to soothe you.

I never could have imagined how tired I would be those first few weeks when you didn't want to sleep anywhere but my arms. I never could have known that while I longed to sleep in my bed just me, that I also didn't want to let go of this little person who so longed to feel the warmth of my embrace.

I guess I could have imagined how much you would hate baths as a newborn because I have certainly heard stories of how I did not like baths when I was that little. I have heard how people thought my mom was torturing me the way I screamed when she gave me a bath. Although, I don't think I would have imagined that weeks later, baths would be something you love and enjoy. Now, when I give you a bath you love it. In fact I am wondering if I should just wear my bathing suit from now on because as much as you splash I don't stay very dry!

I did always hope that when I had kids someday that I would have a boy first. Honestly, I was terrified at the thought of having a girl. I was pretty much a tomboy myself growing up and I am not all too sure that I would know what to do with a girl who would no doubt my a girly girl! So I have to agree that boys are awesome! I have no idea what I will do when you are all the over place and running wild except to stand nearby ready with kisses and band-aids.

I never could have imagined how my heart would melt like chocolate in 90 degree weather when you look at me and smile so big that it takes up your whole face. I still love getting you up in the morning and seeing that big grin come across your face when you make eye contact with me. I never could have imagined how great it would feel to pick you up in the afternoon and see the smile spread across your face when you recognize that I am there to pick you up.

I never could have hoped or imagined that the Lord would bless me with such a blessing as you! You bring happiness to everyone around you. You are such a great baby and I love seeing your personality coming out more and more everyday. 

I never could have imagined how much delight you have brought me by giving me the title mommy. I look forward to discovering more about this adventure. I have no doubt that I will have more slip ups and mishaps along the way. Be patient with your mommy as she learns things as she goes! I love you sweet boy!!